Hello, 4am. EW.

It is 4:46am and I am awake, thanks to a certain little 4 month old who has decided it's GOOD MORNING! time. I mean, obviously he hates me.

I didn't update after my weigh in on Saturday. Probably because I gained 3 pounds and I was pissed off and felt like a failure. And maybe that's because I ate out all week and didn't record one meal or count any points. This is how I fell off the wagon last time, and really I'm already doing it 3 weeks in? Unacceptable. However, I did something I didn't do the last time: I knew I gained and I still went to weigh in and that's a huge step for me. Normally, I would skip my meeting and weigh in and I would pretend like the week never happened.

Yesterday I got a call that they might be taking my "Little" back to his family today. My heart is breaking. And I will admit to you that I ate an entire pint of cookies and cream ice cream. Blue Bell style and it was delicious. He's my first little foster baby and now he's my first little baby to give back to his family. I am not looking forward to the rest of today. I need to make sure that I don't allow another pint to go down my throat, that I don't binge. This is going to be so hard for me to do, because even at (now) 4:55am, I am having to try to convince myself to not take the kids when they are both up at 7am to go get a whole box of oreos and milk and go to town. Oreos and milk make me happy, it's delicious and my heart wants to be happy. But I have to remind myself that the momentary happiness turns into days of regret, and oreos won't keep my "Little" here with me. MOVE ALONG, TABITHA. EAT YOUR BANANA.

What are your triggers?