Chocolate Milk

Is it just me, or do some days just need to end with some chocolate milk?

How is everyone? I haven't blogged like normal, with good reason (at least I think so). My littlest foster baby went back to his bio family on Thursday and my heart was very broken. However, guess what? I LOST half a pound at Weight Watchers on Saturday. haha I really did not see that coming, considering I'm pretty sure I ate everything in my house. So YAY!

Beginning weight: 352.6

Current weight: 345.5

Total loss: -7.1 pounds

So let's talk about shopping. Who here loves shopping? I'll tell you the truth. I love shopping because I just want to buy stuff. However, clothes shopping isn't the kind of shopping I want to do. I hate it, LOATHE it. In fact, once upon a time, I was a manager at (I won't name names) a "plus-size ladies store". When I was hired, they send you to one of their other stores to train along side another manager. One of the things you had to do, and I completely understand, is to try on all kinds of their clothes and really get to know the way things fit and work and all that. I totally get it. However, being that they were a plus-sized women's store, you think they would be more sensitive to this fact. I will never forget the first day when they had me try on all different styles of jeans and none of them fit. NOT. ONE. And I cried in the dressing room when the lady had walked off to help someone. Ugh what a nightmare. That's how I feel just even walking into a store, like it is going to end in failure. Isn't that awful? I actually can't even remember a time when I could just walk into a store and feel confident. 

I've noticed that because of this, I don't ever feel like I look pretty, and I don't. Tonight I was wearing sweat pants and a duck dynasty shirt. Hair in a messy ponytail and no makeup. And that makes me so sad to think about, that I make no effort in my day-to-day. And that actually transfers quickly into my attitude about myself in general. And then I end up accusing my husband of not finding me attractive and then he just sits there like a deer in headlights because why am I saying that while he's trying to watch tv in peace? 

So this is going to be my next challenge, get dressed if I go anywhere outside of the house. (I mean obviously I get dressed, I mean not sweatpants and hair up) And if anyone knows me, I don't take selfies, because they drive me nuts, but I will do my best do try to take a selfie to show that this is my challenge this week! 

What things do you do to make yourself feel beautiful? Ways to boost your self esteem? Tell me!

Numbers.

Good Morning! (I type that as I'm sucking down coffee watching Disney Jr., take that any way you like.)

I have been itching to blog all weekend, but I'm finally getting a chance to sit down this morning. As many of you know, my plan of attack on this weight loss is Weight Watchers, pretty much my favorite program ever. That's because it works. And it works because it's not a restrictive diet. It's not a diet at all. If I want a piece of cake, I can have one - GUILT FREE. (I just have to make sure I saved enough points for it!)

I've been doing WW off and on for over a decade now. WOW. That's insane to think about. I've started and stopped more times than I can count. (most times due to lack of money). The last time I joined I lost 50 pounds in 6 months and I was feeling GREAT. Then, I hit a mental roadblock. (I'll get into that another time) But, here I am again - back at the start! And guess what? After my first week (I weigh in Saturday mornings) I lost SIX pounds! SIX!

This time, joining WW, I weighed in at the HIGHEST I have ever weighed in my life. That was terrifying. I hated seeing that number, it was heartbreaking. Heartbreaking that I had lost 50 pounds, and then gained it all back - plus more. I let my life take over and used every excuse in the book and it makes me feel awful. But there's nothing I can do about that, no amount of crying about it will change that it happened. All I can do is keep doing Day 1 until it sticks. And like I always say, "This is the last Day 1 I will ever have." And this time, I really really want it to be true.

I'm going to tell you my weight from now on when I do my loss updates. Now, don't freak out. Because to me, this is just a number. It's the truth. If I lied to you and told you a different amount, it wouldn't matter. I would still be the true amount. It's like when people take these perfectly beautiful pictures and then complain about how awful they look and don't let anyone see it. Like, dude. That's how you look. Embrace it and love it. I can see you. You hiding a picture doesn't change the fact that I can see you. (this could turn into an ugly rant I have about this, so I'll just stop here) Point being: This is what I weigh, and that's that. Move along. (also, I'm pretty sure if I cut off my chest alone about 50 pounds would disappear)

Beginning weight: 352.6

Current weight: 346.6

Total loss: -6 pounds

So there it is. The last time you'll ever see those numbers.

Next blog topic: My attempt at green smoothies.

Leave me some of your favorite green smoothie recipes below to try for my next blog!