I can never seem to keep a blog going. I start to fail, or I get tired of hearing my voice say the same old thing all the time, so I quit. I lose motivation, I lose creativity, I lose an outlet for myself to write. And that makes me sad.
I think one of things I do, is I try to make it super public, and I want to share with everyone in their mother. Because, obviously everything I have to say is extremely important, you guys. But here's the thing, that means I'm not writing for me anymore. I'm writing for everyone else and what I think they might like to read. That's wrong. I should be writing for me, I should be making this my creative outlet and if it spreads to more readers, then so be it. But right now, this is for me.
Maybe some of you are still following me. If so, that's awesome. Thank you so much! I am excited to catch you up on what has been going on in my life...because it's been a lot. But first, I want you to know that I'm writing to let it all out for myself. Sometimes it's going to be wildly happy, and sometimes it's going to be wildly depressing. And I don't care if that bothers you. This is my journey, and I'm taking control of it again. (even though I totally still love you).
So what's up with me?
Well, I've decided to have the gastric bypass surgery done. Can you believe it? Man, the journey to saying that has been a long one. I actually started thinking about having surgery right after we found out we were infertile a few years ago. I went to a conference once about all the surgeries offered and I freaked out when they said, "We don't recommend that you try to have a baby until a year or two after the surgery." And I was like, "SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M HAVING A BABY WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE." .....yet here I am. No baby of my own...so I should have just gotten the damn surgery. Except...no I shouldn't have, really, because I wasn't mentally ready.
I'm mentally ready now. It's no longer about a baby. I have my own, wonderfully adopted, handsome little boy. Now it's about the fact that at my first doctor appointment with the surgeon, I stepped on the scale and it said 391 pounds. It's about the fact that I'd like to be around for that wonderfully obnoxious little 2 year old. If a baby comes from the surgery, man what a spectacular miracle, but that's not the important goal here. My life is.
So you know how I said that my first weigh in was 391? Well, my insurance requires me to do a doctor supervised diet 6 months prior to having the surgery. Today was my first month's weigh in.
I lost 17 pounds.
SEVENTEEN!
I am so beyond proud of myself, I feel amazing and confident in my ability to really do this! And I'm so exited that a year from now, that 17 could be a triple digit number.
The journey is on, people. Party on, Wayne!
